The Fall of an Empire

People love to talk about the toxicity of romantic partnerships that suffocate and drain.
But not enough attention is given to the platonic bonds that wither and die.
The ones where half of the partnership bears the weight of affection, while the other merely exists, content with the knowledge that someone cares deeply.
So I will continue to talk about it because not enough noise is being made about it.

“Based on this incident alone, it’s clear to me that you care more about this friendship way more than he does”.
Those are the words of a relative 5 years ago- she was speaking to me.
It wasn’t the fact that someone had made such an observation that killed me.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t surprised to hear such a thing either.
It was however, the fact that HE didn’t disagree.
I find it heartbreaking that one could accept that about their friendship.

In that moment, I viewed that friendship for what it was- a one-way street.
I was and would always be the relentless pursuer.
Always seeking validation, always giving.
He, on the other hand, would always be fine- doling out crumbs of attention and affection whenever it suited him.

As time passed, I began to feel like a ghost in his life.
Invisible and insignificant.
Our conversations became strained.
Forced laughter
Hollow promises

It almost felt like a chore spending time together.
No, that’s exactly what it was.
Not for me, For him.
I could tell by how much it took for ‘our plans’ to materialize.
‘Our plans?’ Nah they were all my plans.
I was the only one who ever made plans concerning us.

The slow-motion collapse of our entire dynamic was a masterpiece.
One of tragic inevitability.
It wasn’t that anything really changed.
I was the one who changed.
I began to see things diffenrently- Read into every action and reaction.

In the end, Years later,
I still; from time to time,
Ponder the wisdom of that relative’s words.
They were a painful truth, indeed,
But not one that set me free.
Cause I’m still where I was 5 years ago.
Bound.

My Captor?
The constant need to please.